My kid bites.... hard

So now that I've told the story of how I got here  I can get down to the everyday things that go on with my family in everyday life.

Something new that has popped up and became a major problem is biting. My kid got teeth and discovered that he could use them to many bite things... mainly he bites my fiance and myself. Now I'm sure some people are thinking to themselves "oh that's normal my kid went through a biting stage too"... No it's not like that. Not at all. I'd hate to say that my kid is some kind of sadistic weirdo who enjoys bringing pain to others through biting but some days I really think he is...


When he didn't have teeth he would gum away at our fingers and we thought it was so cute, so we let him. Time went on and he started getting teeth (BTW that is a shitty experience, if you haven't got there yet have fun with that cause it's terrible) first top then bottom. I think he looks like a little cute beaver, but looks can be deceiving... It started off with feet, he'd be on the floor noodling around and you'd feel him come up to your feet and you wouldn't think much of it then... BAM! this kid suddenly has a vice grip like a pit bull on your big toe and it hurts, hurts real bad. So now I'm flailing and yelling in pain all the while trying not to kick him in the face. Finally he lets his grip go and looks at me with a big smile and laughs. Now what the hell is that? He can tell that hurt like hell I know he can because when my fiance cries he cries, awhile ago I had the stomach flu and was puking, he heard it and started crying. So now tell me that that little jerk doesn't know that hurt. He knows it did and he thinks its funny as all hell. So he gets his jollys from it, so much so that he waits till you relax again and goes for round 2. After a few painful bites we caught on and started working on getting him to stop biting us. Our neighbours probably don't know we have a baby, they probably think we just got a puppy. All they hear all day is "NO BITING" "OW! NO BITING!" "GENTLE! NO BITING". For all I know at this point I'd believe he is part canine, at least it would make more sense. Jaxon eventually understood what we were saying but he didn't like it. When we'd say don't bite  he'd stop, look at our toe then open his mouth up again and slowly go back down to see if we were serious. So all in all Jaxon did learn something from us telling him not to bite... He learned that if he wanted to bite us he'd have to be more discreet about it. It's amazing all the places you can be bit. One time he bit me on the chest, I'm not that meaty of a guy so that's all talent on his part. It hurt like shit and scared the crap out of me, I never saw it coming. Although I'm glad he missed my nipple because I fear he would have chomped it off spit it on the floor and laughed in my face. So for a long time I wouldn't let him put his face flat against my body ever, I was just too scared.

Over time he has gotten much better with the biting thing but he likes to throw a bite in once and awhile to see if we are still not cool with being bitten. Also because he enjoys it and maybe it tides him over in the meantime till the next bite. Or maybe we should just make our skin less appealing to him, even better maybe he really is sadistic and we will end up in pit together with Jaxon above saying "It puts the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again".


Either way I love my kid for whatever he grows up to be.

This is where I start Pt 2

Hello and welcome back if you're a returning reader if your new thanks for reading!

So I left off on a rant about pregnant women and how scary they can be. Bottom line boys is to kiss their ass as much as you can even though it probably wont be enough a good part of the time. The good thing is that after everything is said and done your woman will go back to normal  (well kinda, now you have a baby which will bring in a whole ton more of crazy female antics into your life). Once their hormones get normal I should say, they will appreciate how good you were to them while they were pregnant.

On a side note: I'm realizing that this blog may or may not at some point get me killed. So in advance to things I might say in future posts, baby I'm sorry please don't kill me in my sleep while I'm snoring and keeping you awake. Love you!

Anyways pregnancy was overall a great time for us. To make a long story short our son was born on June 17 after 7 days in the hospital, he was 6 weeks premature and also had a condition called hydrocephalus. He had to stay in the hospital for a couple months and had 4 brain surgeries. The three of us made it through the ordeal and everything is completely normal now (haha what family is actually normal? We are far from it).

Starting out as a new parent is a very scary period in your life. For me I had no idea how to deal with it and it took a couple months to fully transform into a dad. I was talking to a guy at work the other day who has a new baby boy at home. He was going on about how tired he was and giving advice to the other guys "Oh man let me tell you, don't have kids until your ready". This guy is 21, 7 years younger than me and he thinks he's got it rough already? Let me tell you brother... It hasn't even started yet. First of all your kid can't even move himself around, you don't like changing diapers? Here's a couple scenario situations that all parents have had the pleasure of enjoying that you'll also get to enjoy...

   Baby pooping so much that it goes out the diaper and all over them. One day my fiance woke me up out of bed to help her get our son out of his clothes. In my tired state I couldn't understand why she would need my help for this. Then she told me he was covered in poop and couldn't get his clothes off without getting poop all over his head and face. My thoughts? Simple, grab the scissors and cut the damn clothes off. I can't remember what happened but I think she said no.

Next!

Trying to change a diaper when your child has figured out how to get away from you: This is a serious problem for me considering if you leave the baby naked for too long it's likely they will pee all over the place, including on themselves and with boys they get distance. I get in trouble for this a lot my friends. I try and change him, he gets difficult trying to get away I turn my head to get a diaper and when I turn around he's in a puddle of his own urine. Now mommy thinks that daddy just lets this happen which is not true at all, daddy is just to slow and gives up easy. Sometimes I turn around and the stream is already going, maybe I'm mesmerized by it but at that point it's too late. Other times it happens and I don't know until I feel wetness in the general area. Either way I get in trouble and I blame the baby, he's evil and knows what he's doing.

So to my brand new father friends I say good luck and it only gets better/worse/interesting/fun as time goes on. To make my coworker feel better about all the tiredness and sleepless nights I told him "Don't worry man it's only something like 3 maybe 4 more years until your baby might sleep through the night. Of course then he'll be able to talk back and run away from you, so you'll have to catch him to put him to bed.".

So it sounds like we as parents are screwed but that smiling little face you get makes it all worth it. Until next time folks take care and don't get in the way of the stream! 

This is where I start pt. 1

Hello whoever may be reading this blog! After lots of thought I've decided to start this blog as an outlet for everything that goes through my head as well as let me share the fun facts of my life. Deciding on what to write about was the hardest part of getting started but since my family is my life I've decided to write mostly about being a new parent and how I got here. So this first blog is going to be about how I got here.... And oh boy I never thought I'd get to here. SO...

I won't go through my whole life, I'll just start around where I thought I was an adult.

Around the age of 21 I had been playing guitar for many years and had grown up believing that beyond any reasonable doubt I was going to be a rockstar (ah how foolish we are). I also thought that since I was going to be a rockstar I might as well act like one. So I made drinking beer and playing guitar my 2 fave hobbies in life, I had a LOT of fun being a rockstar there were great parties with friends and always great jams between myself and whoever else could play and was there. I think that's probably what I liked the most about it all, having all these people  watch and listen to you play and telling you how great you are. What else could be self gratifying than that? Well it all wears out after a few years and one day your sitting by yourself playing your guitar drinking beers all day and realize you've been sitting by yourself for a year or two. You also realize that you don't have any friends anymore and (in my case) the friends you do have are just work friends AND are probably only friendly with you because your their boss hahaha. Also in the process I lost the love of my life, so I really was alone.

 Out of the darkness came some light though, even though we had broken up myself and my girl had been in "contact" for the first month or so after breaking up and she had became pregnant from this "contact". We got back together not because we were having a child together but because we truly loved and missed each other and wanted to have a family together. We realized quickly that we only had a few months to "date" again before this baby was here and our lives would be forever different (that's a MAJOR understatement lol). So we dated, and we had fun. Just a thought for the guys out there, have you ever DATED a pregnant woman? Haha probably not, you should be afraid very afraid. Ladies just let me say that I loved when my fiance was pregnant but theres also some crazy s**t that goes with it. First of all is the peeing: How can someone pee that much?! Just remember guys if you want do anything, they will have to go pee first. Get used to them saying "I just gotta go pee" or "wait! I have to go pee!". Also don't get in there way... They don't care about you and they will take you out like your nothing to them. If your going for a car ride YOU need to know where every bathroom stop is on the way. They don't need to know they have you and if you fail them your in a heap of trouble buddy. Also they eat and they eat well, we've all heard about the crazy things they will eat but it's not that, food is just VERY important to them. One time when we woke up my fiance said she was hungry and wanted to go out to Wallys for breakfast. I said "Ok I'm just gonna take a shower then we'll go? to which she replied "BUT I'M HUNGRY" in a fierce growl. Needless to say I skipped the shower and we went to eat. There are many funny food stories but I could go about but then this blog would be a novel and it's too long already.

I'm gonna end this as part one of this story, maybe my blog should be called "How to be a good husband and Dad too". In my next blog I'll finish off my theories on how how to treat pregnant women without getting yourself killed and get the story of my life to where I am now. Hope you enjoyed reading and come back next week!